Journal Your Belief System
Cheating is arguably the precursor to partners choosing a different mate. People justify their reasons for cheating based upon perception. What they perceive their partner as not doing for them is worthy of a consideration to cheat in the relationship.
What people do not understand, however, is that cheating equals exit. When you cheat, you are saying to your partner that you want out of the relationship, even if you allocate as much effort to remaining in the relationship.
This could include utilizing benefit-provisioning mate retention strategies such as giving compliments and/or buying gifts to retain your partner. It could also include cost-inflicting mate retention strategies to retain your partner; these are defined as insults and sexual jealousy.
Cheating thus, is that cost-inflicting mate retention behavior that people often overlook because I believe that when people cheat, they are really bluffing. I have a video where I explore this idea. They are trying to get the person to do what they want, and they are using cheating as a facilitator. People also cheat because there is some insecurity or some unhappiness in their personal lives.
They think that cheating resolves whatever problem they are experiencing. Instead of addressing the issue directly, they step out of the bed of the core relationship, locate an affair partner and cheat with that person, and then return to the core relationship as if nothing ever happened or as if their decision has no consequence.
To people who cheat in this way, it is like stepping out to run by a convenience store or a burger joint to get something to eat and then returning home. They think it is as natural and simple as an everyday decision. They don’t envision the feelings they have as something long-term, but they still want the opportunity to seek happiness, albeit temporarily, elsewhere.
They are not the kinds of people who have adopted cheating as a lifestyle, as something that they will never give up. No, what they believe they are doing is merely something temporary. Even if they want to keep the opportunity, they also believe the feelings will pass.
The problem with this logic is that it initiates and perpetuates a belief system concerning cheating, using cheating to replace a mate for whatever reason and adopting cheating as a solution driver. Many people validate their belief system with cheating as something that they feel they must do.
These are people who cheat academically, professionally, and/or personally. Their life can’t work unless they are cheating, and cheating within different contexts is essentially skipping steps. But consequences are always at the end of the brick wall.
Therefore, journal your belief system about replacing a mate using cheating as a facilitator. Provide an example of a time when you were forced to replace a mate.
- What was the context?
- Why were you forced to mate switch?
Your choice to mate switch may not have anything to do with cheating. You might have decided that it was time to end a relationship with that person.
Regardless, some major issue precipitated the mate switch. Take some time to consider why, the impact, and your worldview today. Consider your belief system, whether it is new or sustains the old.
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Regina Y. Favors 