Welcome to Special Topics.
Special Topics is part of our seminars and focuses on overcoming rebound relationships.
This page offers both content and audio lectures to help you gauge your capacity for relationship building and also helps you to self-reflect on past decision-making.
Rebound Relationship Special Topics
Welcome to Rebound Relationship Special Topics. Your road from setback to comeback begins with a pen and paper. This page explores brief topics on how to begin the process of addressing internal dialogues and external influences.
The following seminars explore multiple topics and encourage self-reflection.
Seminar: Respect Your No
Respecting your “no” requires that you understand why and for what reason you are responding to a no. We often struggle with “no” because we have responded with “yes” out of habit. Here is a quick audio on the topic. The keys follow:
Here are a few reasons for why you may struggle with “no” and what you should do about it:
Let Your Yes be Yes
Going back and forth becomes a habit. Think about the yes you want to give before you give it. Have faith in that yes.
Guard your experiences and activities. Some things require time and long-term work ethic. Guard the time you need for preparation and solitude.
Be proactive about information-gathering so you can make sound decisions. Interpret the answers you get from people accurately.
Care about your direction. Care about yourself to have direction. Knowing where to take yourself is key.
Have the courage to say “No.” Saying no without explanation reveals growth.
Assess where you have set boundaries and where you have been successful in managing your “No.” Assess also where you have given a “Yes” that might have been good and/or bad. You judge the worthiness of that “Yes” and the “No.”
Seminar: Some People Can Get You Killed
This seminar is important to understand because we often struggle to understand a family member’s or friend’s intentions and/or expectations. Some people get you into trouble before you realize that you are in trouble. Here is a quick audio to help you gain insight into this topic. The keys follow:
Here are the reasons why you may struggle with the idea of trust and what to do about it:
No Moral Compass
They do not have a moral compass. They do not have respect for instruction. They run. They do not have respect for correction.
Lack Problem-Solving Skills
They do not solve problems. They do not have respect for completion. They are not measured. They do not have respect for study.
They procrastinate. They do not have respect for time. They choose the easier way. They have no respect for work.
They breed indecision. They have no respect for the follow-through.
They wander diligently. They have no respect for purpose. They facilitate chaos. They have no respect for order.
They don’t have anything to lose. They have no respect for life. They have no respect for your life.
Seminar: Don’t Let Him Move In
This seminar is likely the most important because we often move in people before we understand who they really are and what happiness and/or unhappiness they might bring. Here is a quick audio on this topic. The keys follow.
Here are the reasons why you may need to reflect on why moving someone in should be considered carefully:
Don’t let in irresponsibility. A man should be able to take care of himself.
Don’t let in financial laziness. A man should be able to manage his own finances.
Emotions & Self-Regulation
Don’t let in emotional bed hoppers. A man should be able to manage his emotions.
Lack of Improvement
Don’t let in lack of improvement. A man should be able to asses his strengths and weaknesses.
Don’t let in disrepair. A man should be able to repair and recover on his own terms, in his own time.
Lack of Planning
Don’t let in lack of planning. A man should know how to envision a future for himself.
Seminar: Stop Parenting Your Man
When we move into parenting our men, we have essentially lost the romantic relationship. The only way out of this ditch is to let your man do what he needs to do for himself. However, once a man or even a person gets accustomed to receiving and not being proactive, it is hard to get them out of the habit. Here is a quick audio:
Here are the reasons why you should begin contemplating a different strategy for sustaining engagement in your romantic relationship:
You’re parenting out of fear. You’re anxious that he will leave.
You’re parenting out of emotions. You’re making emotional arguments to plead your case.
You’re parenting out of need. You’re needing companionship or extra finances.
You’re parenting out of low interest. You’re wanting a higher value man.
You’re parenting out of irresponsibility. You’re supporting a permissive behavior.
You’re parenting out of stress. You’re struggling to move forward.
Seminar: When He Uses Your Money
Letting a man use your money places you in the masculine position and the man in the feminine position. A man should be able to fund himself as a 100% individual. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some reasons you may need to reconsider letting a man use your money:
You are irresponsible.
You are irresponsible because you would rather cover him and not yourself financially, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions.
You are creating crutches.
You are creating crutches when you project your beliefs, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions.
You are teaching.
You are teaching when respect has no value, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions.
You are tired.
You are tired when you believe it is better to do it yourself, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions. You’re out of options and feel like you can’t move him.
You are stuck.
You are stuck when the only thing that matters is convenience, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions.
You are hopeful.
You are hopeful but not strategic when you realize an exit but don’t take it, even if you are sincere and have the best intentions.
Seminar: Not Everyone Is Built for a Relationship
One of the hardest things to realize is that relationship failure does not always mean that you are not capable of relationship-building. Sometimes it just means that you may not be built to be in a relationship. In other words, you may be one of those individuals who thrive in solitude. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some reasons for why you may not be built for a relationship:
This is true if you are a loner. Relationships require engagement.
This is true if you need more than one person. Relationships require courage to stay put.
This is true if you believe faithfulness is relative. Relationships require a belief system.
This is true if you’re not interested in love. Relationships require movement to the next level.
This is true if you’re not interested in marriage. Relationships require the courage to face truth.
This is true if you do not believe that there is a person who will reflect your mate value. Relationships require partner validation.
Seminar: I’m Not Going Your Way
This seminar is important because people learn too late when they have gone down the wrong path following another person. Self-assessment is important, and taking the time to think critically about your own path should take greater priority. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some reasons for how the topic is further defined and what you should consider moving forward:
I’m not dating down. Right is better than right now. Cutting corners is not the answer. Conscientiousness is progress.
I’m not thriving in procrastination. Setback is too much to handle.
I’m not pulling you up without your own effort. It is important to let someone pursue their own responsibility.
I’m not entering a dating rotation. Unique is better than similar. I’m not contributing to becoming a rebound. Awareness of who I am is important. I’m not having indiscriminate sex. Solitude has significance.
I’m not lying, cheating, stealing, or gambling on me. Truth should be more important. I’m not taking you into my “house.” My body belongs to me and not you.
I’m not cursing my end. Vision is important. I’m not pushing for vengeance. Eye for eye only belongs to God. I’m not going your way. I only have one life to live.
Seminar: I’m Too Special for a Dating Rotation
Dating rotations are the new harems for concubinage. People, men and women, often think that they are winning by keeping a roster of potential mates. In reality, entertaining too many partners will produce romantic burn out. If you give all your energies to many people, then you will not have anything to give to the real person who comes along. Here is a quick audio.
Although most people tend to be motivated by having and feeling powerful in employing members in a dating rotation, this decision only leads to headache. Here are some reasons for why you should reconsider adopting a dating rotation:
This only works if you stay out of the sex market. The sex market is for dating.
This only works if you are willing to wait. The sex market is for the hasty.
This only works if you are willing to prepare for marriage. The sex market is not for the married.
This only works if you’re willing to let go. The sex market is filled with ex-partners.
This only works if you’re willing to assess you. The sex market doesn’t work for your personality.
This only works if you’re not needy. The sex market is certain about its purpose.
Seminar: I’m Too Special for a Shacking Situation
Today, we don’t really use “shacking” to refer to two romantic live-in partners, even though it is evident and very still popular. Because shacking has a negative connotation, especially when we use the word “moral” to accompany it, we have stopped using it directly to refer to a relationship status. However, living together is still called shacking, and if you do not want to shack, then you should reconsider your romantic strategy. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when contemplating your romantic relationship strategy:
This means that you must give up your sex card. Get out of the habit of short-term mating sex.
This means that you must study relationships. Get out of the habit of quitting relationships.
This means that you must challenge your beliefs about love. Get out of the habit of assuming love has no value. Consider relationship growth.
This means that you must be willing to love yourself. Get out of the habit of taking advantage of yourself.
This means that you must be willing to regulate your emotion. Get out of the habit of managing your life through anxiety. Get out of the habit of using silence.
This means that you must be willing to see a different you. Get out of the habit of seeing yourself fulfill only a role.
Seminar: When You Play Yourself
It is always possible to play yourself when you believe you have a greater handle on the romantic relationship than your current partner. Essentially, you play yourself when you believe that your partner will always do what you want, whether good or bad. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when you play yourself:
You don’t prepare.
You don’t prepare because you fail to study the current dating market and its ideologies. The current dating market is open, not monogamous, with a mixture of alternative relationships.
You don’t exercise patience.
You don’t exercise patience when you don’t think beyond the minute. The current dating market is not about exercising patience. Participants in the dating market encourage hastiness.
You don’t ask explicit questions.
You don’t ask explicit questions when you don’t want to know. Not knowing the truth about something is easier to manage than dealing with the truth itself. You can continue in “not know” and still feel good about yourself.
You don’t check your sex.
You don’t check your sex when you don’t assess your expectations. You don’t check what you want out of a dating and/or casual sex relationship. You don’t self-assess who you are today.
You don’t assess your past habits.
You don’t assess your past habits when you don’t resolve past failures. You don’t ask yourself about the progress and/or failure of past romantic relationships. Failure breeds more failure because of ignorance.
You don’t let go.
You don’t let go when you don’t exit ex-partners. You permit ex-partners in your current relationships or in your current lifestyle regardless of if they are toxic and unproductive. You hold on.
Seminar: Why Relationships Fail
Relationships fail, but we never call a breakup a failure. I believe this is one reason why we seek a rebound relationship because we need an emotional and psychological win. We need to believe that we are not responsible for the relationship failure. However, struggling to believe that you have experienced a relationship failure only prolongs the inevitable and it procrastinates the learning process you need to undergo to get over the hump of failure. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider about why relationships fail:
Goals are not clear.
Relationships fail because goals are not clear. They fail because purpose has not been established.
Goals are not fixed.
Relationships fail because goals are not fixed. They fail because of mindset. Some people have a fixed mindset about relationships. They are not willing to adopt a growth mindset.
Goals are not long-term.
Relationships fails because goals are not long-term. They fail because of issues with expectation and assumptions.
Goals are not realistic.
Relationships fail because goals are not realistic. They fail because of laziness. People are unwilling to do the work. They don’t know that creating, managing, and maintaining a relationship takes work.
Goals are not identity-based.
Relationships fail because goals are not identity-based. They fail because of the masks people wear.
Goals are not strategic.
Relationships fail because goals are not strategic. They fail because they are at-will.
Seminar: Dealing With Relationship Failure
This is an additional seminar on relationship failure. It is important to establish clear goals for a romantic relationship. Of course, we don’t do that. We don’t have a conversation with a potential partner. We, instead, jump into relationships and deal with the consequences later. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when dealing with relationship failure:
What is relationship failure?
Relationship failure happens when goals and outcomes are different; when needs are not met by either party; and when infidelity leads to relationship termination. Mate preference affects willingness to stay or exit.
You lack the tools of exit. You haven’t realized that the relationship died a long time ago. The relationship has been in the past for a long time, and you’re still waiting for it return. You haven’t left the relationship.
You lack the tools of grief. The relationship died without you and your partner grieving the process. The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is likely that you did not work through these processes.
You lack the tools of follow-through. The relationship died without resolution.
You lack the tools of foresight. The relationship died because of lack of agency and initiative.
You lack the tools of knowledge. The relationship died because of ignorance.
Seminar: The Woman Who Says She Should Have Cheated
This is seminar is essentially a cautionary tale, suggesting to women that we cannot do the same things as men and not get burned. There is always a greater social and moral stigma applied to women when they cheat. If you feel that you have to cheat, man or woman, it would be better just to leave the relationship. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider:
If he can cheat . . .
“If he can cheat, then so can I.” This means that a person is okay with cutting corners.
If he can stay out . . .
“If he can stay out all night, then so can I.” This means that you’re okay with not getting any rest. This also means that you’re not original.
If he can spend time . . .
“If he can spend time with his friends, then so can I.” This means that you’re not a priority.
If he can buy . . .
“If he can buy new stuff, then so can I.” This means that you’re budgeting under a false premise.
If he can play . . .
“If he can play this game, then so can I.” This means that you’re playing a game for which you have not mastered.
If he won’t . . .
“If he won’t come home, then I’m not either.” This means that you’re changing your nature.
Seminar: When You Meet a Snake
You do not have to be in a romantic relationship to meet your snake, but it is likely that you are in a romantic relationship when you struggle with a conman. Dealing with a snake takes considerable mental, physical, psychological, and financial energy to the point it is nearly difficult to recover. However, you can recover if you are willing to reflect on your decision-making and ask yourself why you are in a relationship with a liar. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when reflecting on engagement with a snake:
When you meet your snake, you usually make the first move. You walk up to him. You make a move before you understand.
When you meet your snake, you’re usually steering the relationship. You are the one putting in all the effort.
When you meet your snake, you’re facilitating chaos. You are putting up with old girlfriends and new love interests.
When you meet your snake, you’re usually risking your own health and sanity. You are trying to balance lies.
When you meet your snake, you’re recognizing the crossroad moment. You are struggling with leaving.
When you meet your snake, you’re deciding to stay or leave or keep options open.
Seminar: When You Burn Out
You do not need to be in a romantic relationship to suffer burn out. You can simply do too much and not get enough rest and suffer burn out. However, when you are in a romantic relationship, especially a rebound relationship, you always end up doing more than is required for the relationship. You usually base what you do for your partner on some motivation of people pleasing: trying to make sure that person has what he or she needs. You fail to cover yourself emotionally, psychologically, and financially. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when you burn out. Burnout has much to do with the lie(s) you tell yourself and your relationship with the truth.
You can’t see lie.
Truth doesn’t matter anymore.
You become a lie.
Truth is negotiable.
You embrace lie.
Truth has its challenges.
You plan for lie.
Truth becomes inconvenient.
You die in lie.
Truth is abandoned.
You rise as a lie.
False has no consequences.
Seminar: When You Hold Down a Cheater
Holding down a cheater is that decision you make to continue in a romantic relationship that is no longer functional. This means that it is dysfunctional. Only you have the right to decide whether a relationship is worth fighting for. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider when you hold down a cheater:
You will ride and die in ignorance. You will use the “not know” to stay.
You will ride and die with incompetence. You live with a person who refuses progress.
You will ride and die with disrespect. You cultivate the belief system.
You will ride and die with mediocrity. You fail to develop yourself.
You will ride and die with a fixed mindset. You avoid challenges and risks.
You will ride and die with a person who loves crutches. You are the crutch.
Seminar: When Men Get Bored
When a man gets bored, you might see the relationship devastation that results. Usually men who get bored in their romantic relationships tend to cheat on their respective spouses. This is not always the case, but it is always a possibility. There isn’t an audio for this discussion, but the visuals provide some insight. Here are some keys to consider when men get bored:
Men will pursue entertainment. Men will cultivate backup partners.
Men will pursue productivity. Cheating becomes the new productivity.
Men will pursue the lie. Men will silence themselves.
Men will pout. Men will become feminine.
Men will gaslight. Men will exchange the truth for the lie.
Men will encourage the belief system. Cheating becomes the standard.
Seminar: When Rest is Needed After a Breakup
Rest is always needed after a breakup. However, we never rest. We never take the necessary time to think back on our decision-making and plan for better outcomes. When we do not rest after breakup, this only creates greater opportunities to experience life burn out. Here is a quick audio.
Here are some keys to consider for when rest is needed after a breakup:
Don’t be so quick to pursue a gap filler. The body needs rest.
Pleading Your Case
Don’t be so quick to plead your case. The heart needs rest.
Don’t be so quick to make promises. The soul needs rest.
Don’t be so quick to spend money. The finances need rest.
Attaching to Old
Don’t be so quick to attach to status quo. The belief system needs rest.
Don’t be so quick to pursue a hasty option. Your decision-making needs rest.
Be quicker to write. The pain needs an outlet.
Be quicker to assess the setback. The pain needs examination.
Be quicker to recognize your patterns. The pain needs to criticize the rhythms.
Be quicker to plan for the future. The pain needs a vision, a picture of going forward.
Be quicker to pursue thrive. The pain needs resolution.
Be quicker to come back. The pain needs a historical reference.
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