Category: Favors Relationship Tips

Favors Relationship Tip

Spite is a type of relational power people employ when they want to discontinue investment into a romantic relationship. Other relational contexts where spite is used exist, but this is a tip that focuses on romantic relationships. It is a type of power because it is fueled by the anger of someone who is hurt, annoyed, and offended, which are characteristics of spite. “Spite” is simply defined as a deliberate strategy to hurt, annoy, or offend someone.

If we understand that hurting people, hurt people, it is obvious that a partner would adopt emotional, psychological, and financial strategies to hurt anyone who has hurt him or her. However, I believe that spite is much more damaging because it is a decision that shifts the dynamics of the romantic relationship.

For example, if you give your romantic partner an ultimatum to choose you over his ex-partner, and the person is unsuccessful in winning back the ex-partner, you can expect “your partner” to use spite to navigate his relationship with you. In other words, you made him give up that ex-partner, even if it is the ex-partner who decides not to return to the relationship for whatever reason.

Your relationship with him will now be fueled by hatred, contempt, disgust, and offense from that very decision to remain with you because he could not get her back. You are now seen as someone who came between them; therefore, you must be punished for that act.

In his mind, you should have waited, or you should have given him time to make things right with his ex while he is in relationship with you, or you should have understood that they were going through some things. He cannot be expected to understand your feelings while he is trying to reconnect with the ex-partner.

The problem with this logic is that he is still engaging in relationship-making with you. To prevent the onset of spite and resolve any relationship issues, the simplest, commonsense thing to do is just close out one relationship to work on another. But people do not like closed doors. They like the opportunity that a slightly open door provides them when given the chance to walk through it.

To close a door is to suggest that you cannot gain any more benefit from that person and that you must move on. People don’t want to move on. They like open doors. They like the ability to vacillate between two opinions. They like the drama it brings, the chaos it perpetuates, the double-mindedness it provides, and the toxicity it deepens so that the root of the problem never gets addressed.

Romantic relationships cannot survive one member using spite to navigate the relationship. When you perceive a romantic partner who is using spite to hurt you and the relationship, get out of that relationship. The person is not willing to see the situation differently, or go to counseling to understand it better, or simply to work on himself so that he can be a better person to you and to himself.

If the person is using spite, the situation will never get better until he decides that it will get better, and that could take a long time. In essence, he has framed you as a person he can use spite to frustrate, which fuels his own peace with you, ironically. Hurting you makes life livable with you.

Don’t play with spite because it could mean your very life if you remain in that relationship.

Thank you for reading.

Regina Y. Favors, Owner/Operator

The Regina Y. Favors Website

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Favors Relationship Tip

I am currently working on a blog article on romantic hastiness and how it relates to the eagerness in people to start a new relationship with someone who is currently ending a relationship, i.e., the person is going through a divorce and/or concluding a live-in situation, or anything similar. I am also finishing another article on the same main topic of romantic hastiness, but it focuses on how zeal for a relationship affects our finances. Look for these upcoming articles. Here is an overview of the future one.

We always think that because our romantic partner is interested in engaging in relationship-making with us, that he or she is indeed “our partner,” but if that person is undergoing a process of completion with another relationship and/or marriage, your relationship is still not your relationship. In fact, you do not have a relationship with whom you believe is your future partner. I make a point of this in multiple posts, but it bears repeating.

Stay out of “their relationship” until it is no longer their relationship. Stop making plans with someone who is still in legal relationship with someone else. It does not matter if that person goes to the courthouse and files to be considered legally single. That person is still “not divorced.” This means that the person is still married until he or she is not married or legally bound to someone else.

Therefore, you cannot plan with a person who is still attached legally to someone else. Even if the person is common law married, if there is any indication that he and his partner gave notice of the two of them as married, and they are seen as married in front of their family members and friends, certain states require a divorce petition. You can be common law married without a ceremony, but if you want to be single, then you would have to divorce. Check the statutes in your state.

Given the complex, potentially toxic nature of dissolution and relationship termination, stay out of it. You could lose your life, your sanity, your finances, and your spiritual walk messing in a marriage, common law status, and/or live-in situation.

Stay out of it.

Visit http://www.reginayfavors.com for tips.