One of the greatest tug of wars we have is with God. Our own internal conflicts are really based on the relationship or spiritual distance we have with God. If God works for us, we believe Him. If God does not work for us, we search for alternatives. It is not until we have fallen on our metaphorical faces that we rebound to God and ask for help.
The romantic decisions we make are predicated on how we view God as either supporting and validating our choices or opposing and hindering our preferences. We believe that we make the right decisions concerning all areas of our lives, which always include finance and romance. We cannot help it if the relationship does not work out. How is that our actions contributing to the failure of a relationship representative of failure in that area of our lives? There is always hope!
There is a problem with this logic because you will find yourself on a hamster’s wheel falling in love with falling in love, falling in love with all your options and preferences, and never coming to the knowledge of the truth about how your worldview affects how you see the romantic partner standing before you and how you see God having an active role in said relationship. If you do not have some revelation about the person, who he or she is within the context of your decision-making, their life choices, and your possible future together, you will undoubtedly continue to struggle . . . and fail in this area.
To prevent future failure is to pray and ask God about why you keep choosing the wrong people, if this is your narrative, and how you can better prepare for romantic relationship-building going forward. You are no longer in high school where your decisions do not have as greater consequence as if you made those same decisions as an adult.
If you get pregnant, for example, in high school, you have a parent(s) whose house you live in and whose food you eat who can financially and psychologically take care of you and the baby. However, if you take yourself out of that context and move into your own apartment where you are responsible for the bills and the caregiving, then the consequences are much higher, and it becomes difficult to sustain your existence without a clear life plan.
Apply this thinking to the romantic relationship context, whether you are dating, courting, and/or pursuing marriage. Living together has its consequence. Waiting for marriage also has its consequence. Marrying, of course, has its consequence. Consequences can be good or bad.
The problems we create in all three circumstances begin with the initial engagement and how we interpret our role(s) in and for the relationship. This means that how you perceive the capability and capacity of your partner and what he or she will contribute to the relationship warrants some discussion, some challenges to one’s argument, and some self-reflection. Equally, how you perceive your capability and capacity warrants additional discussion.
You cannot expect something out of someone if he or she does not have it to give or if he or she refuses to give it to you. Some people will refuse to be a true romantic partner to you but will move their resources and their abilities to another relationship and be all that they want for that person. It is something you reason because you know that the person has it in him or her to love, to care, and to support the relationship with you emotionally and financially, but the person refuses!
The way in which a romantic partner refuses is through setback. The person will set back the relationship with a statement of “Let’s just wait” or use related postponing language in general to put the relationship-making process on hold. It is at this point in the relationship where you have to make a decision: either 1) you will accept the postponement and exit the relationship or 2) you will ignore the partner’s pleas and try to make the relationship work anyway, even without his or her permission. In other words, you make plans to go against someone’s individual free will.
Herein lies where we try to compete with God.
Oftentimes, when there is a delay with a romantic relationship, it should not be about trying to convince the other person to move forward with the relationship. It should be about separating yourself to reflect, journal, pray, and prepare either for closure or for reconciliation. Instead of taking the time to work on ourselves, we push forward hastily to keep the relationship going despite what the person is saying to us about waiting, and if we are honest, despite what God is saying about waiting.
Examine the following visual and the differences between when God is saying “Let’s just wait” and when the romantic partner is saying “Let’s just wait”:
Different Perspectives on “Let’s Just Wait”
|When God Says “Wait”||When the Partner Says “Wait”|
|God is the Creator.||The romantic partner is a created being.|
|God is omniscient. God knows everything about the situation, about you, and about what you really want and need. He knows your heart, and he knows that your heart can lie to you, and you can lie to yourself and your heart.||The romantic partner knows everything about the situation from his or her point-of-view, which you would be blind to. The partner knows his or her heart towards you and that it is not fully developed and that there may not be a true concern towards development. The partner also knows that his or her heart can lie and lie to the self.|
|You gain access to God’s divine knowledge, i.e., a bird’s-eye view of the romantic situation and the potential harm it can cause. You can trust the actions God makes towards the relationship when you ask for guidance.||You cannot gain full access to the partner’s knowledge concerning his feelings about you, about someone else, and about the relationship overall. You get a limited, conditional, view of the partner’s belief system, even if actions are clear.|
|You ask God for help, and he might give you an answer to “wait.” This answer can apply to a good or bad relationship.||You ask the romantic partner for help, and he or she will give you want you want, not what you need.|
God’s “wait” is always about protection. You could also say the same thing about the romantic partner’s “wait.” The partner is not on the same level of thinking and intent as God, but it is important to consider that when someone rejects you or the relationship, there is an inherent protection in the decision.
However, when you try to change the dynamics of the relationship, after God has told you to wait, provided you asked for this guidance, then you are essentially competing with God because God knows whether a person is good for you or not the right fit. After all, God created both of you. To tell God that you believe the person is the right one is to tell God that you do not value His own design and whether that design is good for his design of you.
Remember that God sees everything. He sees the person’s heart. He sees the person’s refusal to change. He sees the person’s deception behind “Let’s just wait.” He sees the person’s desire to return to an ex. He sees the person’s decision to return to an ex. He sees the person’s hope for something better than you, even if you are a great person. Regardless, he sees what you do not see and what you are unwilling to see in the romantic situation.
God is not your enemy.
An important life recovery objective is to understand that God will not compete with you. God is the author and finisher of our faith. At the same time, if you persist in continuing a relationship with someone after God has instructed you to wait, He will let you pursue that relationship. If failure is imminent, then He will also let you fail in that relationship.
Sometimes failure is the best intervention for you to reflect on where you went wrong and where you need to move forward. When it specifically comes to dealing with romantic relationships, praying and asking God for guidance is the better strategy to prevent failure and subsequent heartbreak.
Thank you for reading.
Regina Y. Favors, Owner/Operator
The Regina Y. Favors Website
The vision of the site is to be the preferred online curriculum you need for life recovery.