I cannot stress enough the importance of securing yourself financially because it makes a huge difference regarding the decisions you make when you are not financially where you want to be in life. When you are financially down during a season, you can make the worst decisions. Sometimes when you are financially up, you can still make the worst decisions.
The difference is that you have some financial cushion to make a smoother comeback when you have savings, investments, and related resources. It is only when you have taken for granted years of opportunity to save money, and you get to a later season in your life where money is necessary because of a life setback, do you realize the importance of adhering to instruction concerning finances. Suddenly, you care about maintaining financial stability.
When you are in a setback, you have no other choice but to navigate through the setback to get out of it and then to reach comeback, which has its own processes, challenges, and potential successes. It takes extraordinary planning to overcome a setback, and homelessness is one such setback that you might find yourself navigating. It depends on what you do in your 20s that shape how you live in your 40s and later years.
There is nothing worse than a person in their 60s and 70s having to return to work due to unforeseen financial circumstances. No one should have to work past retirement age unless he or she merely wants the exercise, but it happens everyday. With rent, food, and transportation prices rising, it is no wonder if any of us will be able to afford a tent!
This is where the importance of financial planning springs forth from the ashes of ignorance and sprouts like the flower we know we need to water and watch as it continues to grow. If only we had the vision of seed time and harvest, then life would make much more sense. When you do not plant the right seeds, you will not receive an appropriate harvest. When you plant seeds that have greater consequence, you receive the appropriate harvest, i.e., the harvest matches the seed.
This article explores the concept of sex as a seed, the consequences that result from sex as harvest, and the impact it has on adult decision-making. The article argues that sex is not an appropriate solution for laziness, meaning that the more a woman gives sex to a lazy man, the more the woman will reap a harvest of inconsistency, perpetual laziness, and eventual homelessness.
Therefore, this article appeals directly to the woman who believes she can change and/or influence “her man.” If a man is not working, the woman’s goal should not be to light a fire under the man by giving him sex. That does not work for a person with a mindset to be lazy. Sex is not a suitable seed that will spring forth the harvest of a worker.
Work is not in the man; therefore, no matter what you do to help him along, he is not going to work! He is not going to attend school. He is not going to seek better for himself as an adult individual. He is not going to seek life elsewhere. Instead, he will continue to take up residence in and around your house, which includes your body, until you decide that he can no longer live there.
Adding sex to the relationship dynamic only prolongs the necessary conversations you must have to determine how long you will provide caregiving to an adult man. This article addresses the immediate romantic relationship dynamic and the woman’s belief that sex is a tool by which to push her man into purpose. It focuses on two areas for discussion.
Purpose
You cannot give someone purpose, let alone a man. A woman cannot teach a man how to be purposeful, how to pursue something that he envisions in his head, and how to create strategies for putting that purpose into action. Just because a woman has purpose and is willing to seek out ways to fulfill that purpose does not necessarily translate into a man with the same attitude and predisposition if he is not interested in recognizing purpose. In other words, just because I understand that you need to get your car fixed, and I tell you, does not mean that you will seek ways to accomplish the task.
You may be more inclined to resolve an immediate problem, but the person whom you are with romantically may not perceive the same problem as one deserving of an immediate solution. A solution may come or the person may seek a solution eventually, but that does not mean that because you gave it importance that he also gives it importance.
For example, you have believed all your life that you need an emergency fund. You have experienced a downturn in your life, and the experience was so palpable that it reinforced your desire and need to sustain that belief system about maintaining an emergency savings fund. However, your romantic partner could have experienced the very same life circumstances and still argue that an emergency savings fund is unnecessary and that living for the day is much more realistic. There is no guarantee that the fund will last for the time needed and that it is better to spend the money now to maintain current adult living needs.
In other words, one partner is future-oriented; she envisions that setbacks are eventual, but they do not have to be perpetual. However, he envisions that setbacks are eventual, but they can still be perpetual depending on the type of setback. You can lose your job and remain unemployed for a long time until the job market opens again.
The man who sleeps on the couch is still future-oriented; he understands that the future is made up of successes and setbacks, but because he understands this, it does not make sense to him to plan for those potential setbacks until he experiences them. How do you know for certain that the setback will come until it comes? This is his thinking whereas the woman knows it will come, she will design a plan before it comes, and will be ready when it arrives.
The man is a procrastinator, but the woman is a planner. Because purpose is too much a future-oriented concept without an immediate experience, the man will procrastinate the learning processes needed to prepare for purpose so that when he walks into purpose, he will not be ready. He will not know what to do. He will eventually walk out of purpose unsure, unclear, and uncertain of what went wrong. He will say at the end of his life journey that it did not make sense to care about such things because until you experience it, you would not know what to do anyway.
On the other hand, the woman is a planner. Because she is future-oriented, it does not matter if she has immediate experience. She will begin planning to resolve feelings of fear associated with procrastination. She will be ready to walk into purpose because she has studied the problem or some aspect of it that she is consciously aware of, and she will create opportunities to be sure, clear, and certain of what to do when confronted with decision-making. She will not operate alone; instead, she will ask questions. She will say at the end of her life journey that it was good for her that she prepared because it is important to care about such things to help others and help herself.
However, when the woman is struggling to plan while entertaining a procrastinator, it is hard for her to address the issues and challenges that form in the relationship because she is more concerned with accomplishing her own plans. Therefore, she will ignore the man she is with because he is less productive and fearful to move forward. She will, instead, give him sex every time it looks like he cannot or he refuses to accomplish his own goals.
Giving him sex is a way for the woman to ignore him and his procrastination, and it fuels her desire to continue moving forward in whatever she is doing, whether it is connected to education or professional development.
Problem-Solving
You can teach someone how to solve problems, but you cannot make the person pursue problem-solving. All life is based on problem-solving. Your gifts and talents and skillset determine the degree, depth, and capacity for problem-solving. You were put on this earth for a reason, and it is incumbent upon you to discover who you are, what you will do, how you will use your gifts and talents to effect change, and when you will pass the baton to the next generation to continue legacy building.
When you perceive someone without this mentality, the goal becomes to pause, to wait. You do not hurriedly try to give this person a certain mentality so that he or she can come up to your level. You run the risk of solving his or her problems without their contribution.
No, you wait to discern their belief system, to discern their worldview, and to discern how they perceive the purpose for living. If the person does not know his or her purpose for living, then it would be difficult to determine their understanding about problem-solving.
The man who sleeps on the couch instead of taking a pen and pad and writing down a vision for his life is the man who is already operating in a vision for his life. His vision is laziness. There is a vision of work and productivity. There is a vision of entrepreneurship. There is a vision of advocacy. There is a vision of philanthropy and helping others.
Vision is all around us, and there is enough of it to go around and make life easier for other people. To sit back and not take hold of something to improve your life is tantamount to a person sitting back when the house is on fire and not lifting a finger to solve the immediate problem.
The person who is lazy is also the person who is selfish. To lie on the couch and not create a plan to contribute to the home and to the finances is to suggest that there is no need to invest and that exit is imminent. You invest in where you are. It is like the person who gets a new car or a house. The person wants to wash the car, add rims, get it detailed on the inside, and make it feel welcomed.
The person who gets a new house will furnish it, tell everyone about it, have a housewarming party, and come back to it because he or she knows that home is where the heart is. When you do not invest in where you are, you do not plan to stay. There is no need to invest because it is not yours. This is true even when the person lives in the house, runs up the electricity, eats all the food in the refrigerator, uses the water, and expects submission in a non-marital dynamic.
Therefore, the woman who uses sex as a solution for a man who has no personal investment into the relationship or into the woman is a woman who is delusional about what makes a romantic relationship, and she abandons sound reasoning about the purpose of the man in the home. The woman uses sex thinking that the man will further invest, but the man has already made up his mind about the relationship and that he has no intention to remain.
In fact, he will meet someone outside of the home who will hold him accountable. He will develop a relationship with the person behind the woman’s back, invest by finally seeking a job, tell the woman at the house that he is working hard to build a life with her, but then turn around and actively pursue the new woman and keep this strategy hidden. One day, the man will return to the woman’s house, pack his things, move out, and never return fully unless the situation with the new woman does not work out. The man in this case will do his best to make it work regardless.
Sex for a man who refuses to invest is truly a waste of time, and it is time that could be spent healing, visiting a therapist, and working on individual plans. Men who sleep on the couch distract women of purpose, and it is not entirely the man’s fault. It is the woman’s choice to entertain a man who would rather sleep on the couch than go out and work, who would rather sleep with some other woman than go out and work, and who would rather not pursue any interest at all than go out and work.
The trigger word is “work” because even if you do not have solid plans, you still have work to keep you busy, to light a fire under you, to encourage you to consider something better, and to maintain financial stability. When a person does not even want to work, then sex is not the solution to their problem. Their problem is rooted in a faulty belief system that suggests work is not the answer to a person’s problem. However, for an adult, who must live their life as an adult, work is the solution to a person’s problem. It does not matter what the problem is, being an adult comes with resolving everyday life problems.
In Sum
Sex is not a solution to a person’s laziness. No matter how many times you provide sex to a person, it will only prolong you reaching an understanding about their lack of capacity for purpose, investment, and problem-solving. If there is no immediate desire to challenge the argument about sleeping on the couch and/or being lazy, then that lack of desire will always affect the emotional, psychological, physical, and financial dynamics of the relationship.
There will be no peace in a romantic relationship that is stagnant and not going anywhere, and the person who is lazy and sleeping on the couch is a visual representation of a stagnant relationship because he or she is not moving forward. Using sex to solve what should be an individual adult problem will only further perpetuate confusion, uncertainty, and contradiction. Sex is not an appropriate solution for a person’s laziness. Therefore, do not assume that it will be useful for resolving conflict. The conflict will always be there after you get out of the bed.
Thank you for reading.
Regina Y. Favors, Owner/Operator
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