Get your daily dose!

“Some people do not have your work ethic when it comes to accomplishing something. They will not put in the tireless energy and heart to achieving a goal. In other words, even though they do not desire to have a job, they do better to keep one. If you take a person with you where you are going, and this is a person without any personal drive to achieve a dream but consistently talks about a dream, then you run the risk of that person filling their time with a distraction. 

"You run the risk of that person getting into chaos and disorder to fill their time. You run the risk of taking that person along with you where you are going. If you are a worker and that person is not, you will always have to “keep up” with him or her. You will be so preoccupied with keeping tabs on the person that you will never get anything done for you. 

"The more you focus on the person the more you become vulnerable to their chaos and their chaos begins to fill your life. You are not sleeping at night. You have trouble making it through the day. You are constantly at odds with the person. There is constant tension. Then you make up and have sex. You think everything is going well, until the person cheats yet again. This is the process that I endured after making the decision to divorce Wilson” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

How much responsibility do you want to continue assuming in your relationship, even if it results in your premature death?

Journal your response.

“If a man has a dream and he wants to support it, something from within him needs to surface to usher in a direction of following and doing something with his dream. It is not up to you to decide that you are going to help him fulfill his dream. He should have enough conviction within himself to want to go after his own dream. You should not have to pay for his dream. 

"He should work and save and pay for his own dream. You should not have to write out his plan. He should sit down with pen and pad and doodle ideas on his own! You should not call up agents, get a portfolio together, create a demo tape, write a business plan, fund the project, or do anything related to helping him achieve his dream. He should already come with a vision to achieve his own dream. 

"At times during the planning process, he may need clarity about an idea or some wisdom about which direction to take. However, you should not have to do the whole thing for him. You are not his secretary. You are not his assistant. You are not his maid. You are not his wife. The desire to achieve his goal should come from within and not from without” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

As soon as says he has a problem, do you immediately run to your purse?

How long have you been funding his lifestyle?

Do you want to stop?

Journal your responses.

“Rebound relationships are a metaphorical hole. Sometimes the rebounders will buy you food or give you a wink, but do not expect them to release you willingly. You are convenient to them. Rebounders have to know where you are and know how to get to you whenever they want. 

"Releasing you goes against their logic. Therefore, they give you no choice in the matter. You can only exist within the confines of their dry well. Without help, you will become emotionally and psychologically destroyed. Help, in this sense, means insight. Emotionally and psychologically destroyed means existing without purpose and without fulfilling your purpose. . . . 

"Rebound relationships take the very wind out of you. They cut you off at the knees. They affect how you live and breathe and exist. You can literally have a heart attack or a stroke dealing with someone who is sexually addicted or emotionally tied to an ex-partner, who is risky in their behavior, and who is genuinely an energy drainer. It is psychologically exhausting keeping up with a cheater and a liar” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

How much has risk-taking affected your relationship with your romantic partner?

Are you worn down?

When will you rest?

Journal your responses.

“Rebound relationships are a type of psychological slavery where the rebounder is psychologically tied to the ex-partner, finding it difficult to let go. At the same time, the rebounder becomes emotionally dependent upon the rebound, also financially, finding it equally difficult to let go. Conflict guides both relationships, serving as a vehicle to move the rebounder between relationships. When he has trouble with the ex-girlfriend, he moves to the rebound. When he has trouble with the rebound, he moves to the ex-girlfriend” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

Where do you feel emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and financially bound in your relationship?

What is your exit plan?

Journal your responses.

“Setting boundaries around your finances when it comes to a rebound relationship is very important. The rebounder is looking for you to pick up where the ex-girlfriend left off. This includes finances. You have to be prepared to step into a role as a wife, sharing expenses and paying obligations together. That is what he did with his “wife” before you. Men treat every woman they come into contact with either as a mother, a sister, or a wife. 

"They expect the women in their lives, in general, to fulfill the role of a wife. This is a person who meets their needs on an emotional, psychological, and financial life. However, if you are not a sister or a mother, then you are a girlfriend. A girlfriend is essentially no different than a wife in a man’s understanding. 

"As a rebound woman, you step into the role of a wife while his true wife is absent, while they are on break. In other words, the benefits he gets do not stop” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

Are you a wife?

Do you feel privileged?

Journal your responses.

“I stopped feeding him with emotional, psychological, and financial caregiving until the relationship suffocated. I stopped rewarding him with my heart, my time, and my body until the relationship could no longer breathed. I divorced myself from the relationship until every presence of wife was gone and he could no longer claim that right. I did not realize it at the time, but I had given him the right to expect from me the role of wife. 

"I had encouraged this type of psychological entitlement in his mind and his heart. In his thinking, he had every right to expect me to cook, clean, wash clothes, have sex with him, and provide financial support. I told him with my actions and my belief systems to treat me like a wife and that I would answer his wishes at will. I set no boundaries for myself or the relationship. I allowed him to mishandle and mistreat me and who I am as a person” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

When did you stop cooking his meals from the heart?

Journal your response.

“Reestablishing a standard takes work. You have allowed so many people to come into your life and chip away at your emotional, psychological, religious, and financial defenses. You are tired, broken, disheartened, challenged, rejected, and sad. How do you pick up the pieces of your own existence, your own dreams, and your own plans? You had plans before you met the person who trashed you on a level you had never been exposed to in your life. Yes, you have had people who did not do right by you, but the person who used you as a rebound was different. That person discerned some of your weaknesses, whether you told him or not, and used those weaknesses to advance his agenda. The person set you up” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

What is your current standard?

What do you believe about your role in romantic relationships?

How will you conclude people who do not meet your standard?

Journal your responses.

“Your belief system is, ‘I want to wait until marriage.’ His belief system is, ‘No, I want to have sex with you now.’ From there, you will either pull him to your side and maintain your standard or he will eventually pull you over to his side and you abandon your standard. It all begins and ends with the standard. Once you abandon your own standard, it becomes easier for him to project his standards onto the relationship. 

"Now he can ‘lay his head.’ Laying his head is laying out a plan. He can lay out his plan not to marry you. He can lay out his plan to use your money to fund his chaos, even though he clearly has a job and has money. He can lay out his plan to keep you at arm’s length while he attempts reconciliation with the ex-girlfriend. He can lay out his plan to have sex with the ex-girlfriend, on your dime! He can lay out his plan to reside in your house without responsibility, or even the hint of it. 

"He can lay out his plan to control the house through influence from the ex-girlfriend; every time he goes back and forth with that relationship, it affects the peace and harmony of your relationship with him. He can lay out his plan to maintain a hook in your heart, in your body, and in your soul through sex and the promise of moving forward. 

"Essentially, he can lay out many plans and sow many different types of seeds before you even get the first clue about his objective” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

What are your plans for your romantic relationship?

Do they coincide with your partner's plans?

Or are they different?

Journal your responses. 

“The ex-girlfriend wants the rebound relationship between the male partner and the rebound to work in a superficial sense because it allows her to gain entry into the emotional and financial concerns of the relationship and steer it into a direction of confusion and disorder, peeping in at will and tip-toing out when the job is done. The ex-girlfriend becomes vengeful, believing that the new girl is essentially the culprit in the breakup of her relationship with the male partner. Therefore, the ex-girlfriend’s goal becomes to do whatever she pleases with the rebound relationship and she uses sex to accomplish her objectives” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

What is the ex-partner telling you about his or her ex-partner?

What is the ex-partner telling his or her ex-partner about you?

What is the game?

Journal your responses. 

“Rebound relationships may form an attachment between two individuals, but there is no guarantee that the attachment will produce a genuine, loving relationship where the two people respect each other, value each other, and expect to stay with each other. Rebound relationships do not reflect a healthy attachment; in fact, they are hasty constructions. 

"They begin as a lie, they are cultivated in lie, and they continue to grow as a lie. Rebound relationships are the weeds of true romantic relationships. They are the tares among the wheat. They suck the life out of people. They are a desert, a dry place upon which you can never sow good seed. They continue to produce weeds and they breed additional weeds by connecting even more relationships. 

"One rebounder might have multiple rebound relationships. Rebound relationships destroy the human connection. They produce emotional homelessness and psychological wilderness wanderings. To get out of a rebound relationship, you have to let it die out” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

Where are you emotionally homeless?

Is there a solution to the problem if you continue in the relationship?

Journal your responses.

“I concluded from my hastiness with [the relationship] that he expressed some hesitancy in the beginning of our “relationship” concerning his lingering feelings for [his ex]; I did not listen. She called and he walked out of the room quickly; I did not listen. He would spend hours on the phone with her in a public place (library); I did not listen. They met to talk; I did not listen. He had sex with her; I did not listen. He abandoned me multiple times and told me to go f*** myself; I did not listen. He literally spat in my face; I did not listen. After sex with me, he stepped out to call her; I did not listen. When he got word of a possible job on multiple occasions, he called her; I did not listen. He lied about a relationship with me; I did not listen. He constantly reinforced his commitment to me; I did not listen. He never made love to me; I did not listen. The only two times he made love to me he was really making love to her; I did not listen. He never introduced me to his family; I did not listen. I did not listen” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

What is your problem with listening to warning bells?

How will you resolve your issues with listening?

Journal your responses.

“Wilson had to go because he is a snake. My hastiness led me to a snake. I fell in love with a snake. I cannot marry a snake. You cannot marry a snake. In addition, you cannot marry a person who has no vision. You cannot marry a person who is a consistent loser. I do not mean this from a critical, negative standpoint. I mean this from a perspective of describing a person who is a dreamer, but who does not equally put in the work to fulfill the dream. 

"He has much faith, but he does not have the works. He allows too many distractions. He refuses to build the work ethic to put towards fulfilling his dreams. You cannot marry a person who is a lifelong cheater. You cannot marry a person who apologizes but continues to commit the same action repeatedly. You cannot marry a person who believes that he can continue to come around and piss on your tree anytime he wants. 

"You cannot marry a person who has you emotionally, mentally, financially, and psychologically bound. You cannot marry a person who does not like you, who does not respect you, and who does not see the beauty in you. You cannot marry someone who is not in love with you” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

Have you met your snake?

Is your snake a friend, a family member, or romantic partner?

Journal your responses.

“These are some of the conclusions I came to understand while “divorcing” Wilson. His cheating helped to illuminate the problems we were having in our rebound relationship. The cheating alone was enough, but it was also tantamount to understanding why he cheated. Wilson cheated because it was simply something to do. Sure, I believe that he enjoyed the sex and the secrecy of it all, but I believe that he cheated mainly because it represented activity and it produced results. 

"Cheating made him feel useful and made him feel as though he had accomplished something. Cheating was a goal that he saw through to the finish line of that minute, hour, or day. It was a substitute for the initial dream he had of “making it.” Because he could not fulfill the dream under the conditions he chose, which were not to fight for it through hard work, then he would do the next best thing. He would cheat. He could make the cheating happen. He could fight for it. It was tangible enough to manage. 

"Through much work ethic, Wilson had turned all of his attention to cheating, cultivating and managing its growth” (Favors, 2019).

Discussion

Is divorce an option?

Is safety a priority?

Is emotionally homelessness a necessity?

Journal your responses.