Welcome to Romantic Relationship Readiness Curriculum page. Various topics are explored and correspond to the books offered in the Store and on Amazon as well as correspond to the videos on this site. Thank you for visiting. Section in development. 1/7/2021, 1/8/2021, 1/26/2021
Partner perceived uniqueness is defined as the capacity of a partner to fulfill relational needs in ways that no other partner can fulfill. Relational needs include companionship, intimacy, security, emotional involvement, and sex.
Relational transgression is defined as the type of occurrence that typifies the violation of an implicit or explicit relational rule. An explicit rule is one that is specific to a relationship and is an example of excessive drinking or drug abuse or talking to a former girlfriend or boyfriend. An implicit rule tends to be one that is culturally the standard or norm especially in consideration of the expectations for proper relationship conduct. Monogamy is an example of an implicit rule.
The investment model (IM) is defined by four components: satisfaction, investment, quality of alternatives, and community. Rusbult (1980) defined satisfaction as positive feelings toward one's relationship; investment as intrinsic and extrinsic resources devoted to the relationship; quality of alternatives as perceived attractiveness of possible alternatives; and commitment as the desire to continue a psychological attachment.
Gender socialization is the social expectation of boys and girls to think, behave, and portray themselves in certain ways that are based upon a culture’s norm. Both men and women are placed is socially rigid roles where men are trapped into the ideals of masculinity and where women are expected to embrace more freedom. Boys are not permitted to display emotions or feel sadness while girls are encouraged to deal with their emotions. Dealing with emotions is considered feminine.
Coping mechanisms are those strategies people use to resolve both internal and external demands as well as challenges to their psychological resources. Psychological resources may be considered people, things, and other attachments. Relational transgression such as cheating and/or marital infidelity may be used as a coping mechanism. In addition, using a rebound relationship might help a person emotionally distract and emotionally detach from a previous partner. According to Shimek and Bello (2014), men tend to jump into rebound relationships quicker than women.
Pessimistic outlook is related to the incidence of a recent breakup and the feelings of fear of being alone, lack of personal worth, and the threat of failure. For an individual who is emotionally distressed over a breakup and who also longs for reconciliation, it is difficult to consider the possibility of developing feelings for another person and the relationship actually working and leading to long-term fulfillment. The person is perceived as having an anxious attachment that hinders him or her from envisioning the possibility of another romantic connection. The person only envisions reconciliation with the ex-partner, who no longer desires the relationship.
Child rearing styles combine parenting behaviors over a range of situations. there are four styles of child rearing:
Authoritative Child Rearing
Authoritarian Child Rearing
Permissive Child Rearing
Uninvolved Child Rearing
Authoritative child rearing is characterized as the most successful approach in terms of:
High acceptance and involvement
adaptive control techniques
Appropriate autonomy granting
Parents exercise firm but reasonable control, give reasons for their expectations, and design disciplinary encounters as "teaching moments" (Berk, 2014).
Authoritarian child rearing is characterized as parents appear cold and rejecting and using psychological control, which is the manipulation of children's verbal expression. It includes:
Low in acceptance and involvement
High in coercive control
Low in autonomy granting
When parents are dissatisfied, they withdraw love and make their attention or affection contingent on the child's compliance. Parents produce children who are unhappy, low in self-esteem, and anxious (Berk, 2014).
Permissive child rearing is characterized as overindulgence. It includes:
Warm and accepting but uninvolved
Overindulgent or inattentive
Little control, no gradual autonomy
Allow children to make their own decisions
Parents allow children to eat meals and go to bed whenever they want. Children do not learn good manners or do household chores. As a result, children tend to be impulsive, disobedient, and rebellious (Berk, 2014).
Uninvolved child rearing is characterized as emotional detachment. It includes:
Low acceptance and involvement
Little control and general indifference
Parents tend to be emotionally detached, depressed, and overwhelmed by life processes (Berk, 2014).
When extreme, uninvolved parenting is a form of child maltreatment and neglect (Berk, 2014).
Aggression is developed in childhood. There are two types of aggression. Proactive aggression reflects a child who acts to fulfill a need or desire and will attack another child to achieve that goal (Berk, 2014). Reactive aggression reflects a child who presents a defensive, angry posture in response to a blocked goal or provocation (Berk, 2014). Both proactive and reactive aggression are reflected in:
Mate value is determined by one’s perception of his or her own attractiveness relative to others and access to high value mates (Starratt et al., 2017). Assessment of attractiveness is based upon a global measure of attractiveness as a potential mate (Starratt et al., 2017). Mate value is often reflected in stereotypes: blondes are preferred to brunettes; light-skinned blacks are preferred to darker-skinned blacks. Mate value may predict infidelity intention. There are six factors of mate value: agreeableness/commitment, resource potential, physical prowess, surgency, and physical attractiveness (Starratt et al., 2017).
Mate switching is defined as the breaking up with one partner and re-mating with another (Buss, Goetz, Duntley, Asao, & Conroy-Beam, 2017). Mate switching involves monitoring the current relationship to determine benefits achieved and costs expected; evaluating potential alternatives;, engaging in extra-pair infidelity; deploying exit strategies; and switching to a new partner when the cost-benefit ration is advantageous (Buss et al., 2017).
Partners mate switch when they perceive their current partner as declining in value; when they have increased in value through their ow efforts; and when there is the presence of a higher value mate. Women may mate switch because of inadequate financial support, emotional dissatisfaction with their current partner, and out of a desire to cultivate a backup mate.
The backup mate hypothesis is the cultivation of replacement mates. Partners may cultivate three potential replacement mates resulting from feelings of emotional disengagement, instigating affairs and sexual encounters, and using the backup mate for mate insurance. An affair allows for the assessment of an alternative mate.
The costs of mate switching include a damaged reputation, loss of social support, withdrawal of financial support, revenge porn, loss of economic investment for children. Remating is part of the mate switching process (Buss et al., 2017).
Mate replaceability is the notion that guides a decision to substitute one mate for another. Desirable opportunities offer a better benefit and investment. Mate value qualities have changed over time and the partner desires special, more unique qualities in a higher value mate. One is substitutable when common attributes are shared between the current partner and the alternative. when partners sense they are losing ground, they pursue becoming irreplaceable.
Mate value is based upon a comparison of characteristics of the person and the characteristics of a potential alternative partner. A high value mate is subjective and based upon what the person believes his or her mate value to be in comparison to others on the mating market. A woman's mate value relative to other women on the mating market might be a predictor of male mate retention behaviors. There are two mating markets: sex market and marriage market. Mate value predicts mate retention.
Mate retention is the use of mate retention tactics to thwart partner defection. Mate retention includes behaviors that may be benefit-provisioning or cost-inflicting. Benefit-provisioning behaviors are usually designed for higher mate value partners. Benefit-provisioning might include providing more material resources and dedication of all efforts to retaining the relationship. Cost-inflicting behaviors are typically designed for lower mate value partners. Cost-inflicting behaviors include decreasing the partner's self-esteem, reducing social support system, and rendering the possibility of alternatives impossible (Miner et al., 2009).
Mate retention tactics include four strategies taken from the Mate Retention Inventory Short Form (Buss et al., 2008). They include: Vigilance: Partners may snoop through their partner's belongings. Monopolization of time: Partners may insist that their partners spend all their time with them. Emotional manipulation: Partners may suggest that their significant others are dependent upon them. Derogation of competitors: Partners may point out the flaws of a potential alternative. Jealousy is considered a mate retention tactic.
Men mated to higher value mates perform benefit-provisioning mate retention if they have the material resources. Men value youthfulness and attractiveness. Men may use cost-inflicting to prevent infidelity, but cost-inflicting behaviors may backfire on a woman who is interested in cultivating backup mates. Benefit-provisioning for a higher value mate will also include gifts, compliments, essentially validation.
Women mated to higher value mates tend to devote more mate retention tactics, especially if the man has a good job, higher income, and higher status hierarchy. They are less likely to use cost-inflicting behaviors. They may, however, use additional mate retention tactics such as direct guarding, which is defined as not taking a partner around other potential partners. An additional mate retention tactic might be public signals of possession in which the partner puts her arms around her partner.
Men and women with lower value mates typically use cost-inflicting mate retention behaviors. Lower mate value mates tend to be replaceable. A man partnered to a lower value mate will replace the partner with a higher value mate. Partners are willing to risk losing a lower value mate and will allocate efforts to cost-inflicting behaviors. The potential of obtaining a higher value partner outweighs the deficiencies in the lower value mate. Women partnered with a lower value mate may use cost-inflicting behaviors such as insults or infidelity or simply exit or defect from the relationship. The benefits of exiting outweigh retaining the relationship or pursuing any mate retention efforts.
Welcome to Relationship Readiness & Assessment Curriculum where you can learn how to assess your readiness for dating and romantic relationship building leading possibly to marriage.
The content is a companion to the YouTube videos. It gauges your relationship readiness competency. It also gauges your ability to exit previous romantic relationships to embrace a new relationship.
The Relationship Readiness Series, Competency Assessment, Online Learning Content helps you to gauge where you are, where you are going, and what you ultimately believe before you enter a romantic relationship, long-term, even if you believe you know how romantic relationships function or how they should function.
The Relationship Readiness & Assessment Curriculum is four-part:
Social Psychology Topics
Relationship Readiness Competency
Exit Planning Objectives
Post-Exit Planning Objectives
These four areas are central to understanding the decisions you must make in ending one relationship before beginning another.
The mission of the Relationship Readiness & Assessment Curriculum is simply to help you gauge whether you are ready and suitable for romantic relationship building.
The mission of the Pre-Relationship Competency Assessment, Online Learning Content serves to encourage 18-year-old to 45-year-old individuals who have never been in a romantic relationship for longer than a year to assess their readiness for entry into a romantic relationship long-term.
The mission of the Relationship Readiness Series, Competency Assessment, Online Learning Content serves to encourage 18-year-old to 45-year-old individuals to assess their readiness for romantic relationship building, which includes assessing readiness based on age, assessing preparation, assessing finances, and conducting an autopsy of past relationship failure(s).
Ensuring that individuals have sound finances and assessment of career are both important to determining if entry into the dating market and later marriage is feasible. Therefore, the purpose of the series is to encourage long-term romantic relationship planning.
By the end of the series, you will be able to do the following:
1. Assess if you are fit for dating and/or marriage.
2. Assess your ability to enter the dating and/or marriage markets.
3. Review your family background and friendships.
4. Evaluate your life plans.
5. Evaluate your ability to love and your capacity for love.
6. Reflect on finances.
These learning objectives will help you gauge your financial readiness for romantic relationship building.
It is important to measure whether you have assessed previous romantic relationships. Self-reflection is key to determining if you are psychologically and mentally ready for romantic relationship building. Here are a few questions to consider as you gauge your readiness.
1. Have you ever had a romantic relationship setback?
2. What was the romantic relationship setback? Did your romantic partner cheat?
3. Did you address the romantic relationship setback? Did you seek counseling?
4. How did you resolve the romantic relationship setback?
5. Are you out of romantic relationship setback?
These are basic questions that you must ask yourself before "reaching out" or "reaching for" another romantic partner. Failure to gauge through self-reflection will undoubtedly create more and future romantic relationship setbacks. Setbacks in romance may hinder your ability to build future romantic relationships.
Romantic Relationship Competence
Romantic Relationship Competence is not something that we often gauge. We figure that if we are not in a relationship with someone, then we just need to enter another relationship regardless of if we are certain of readiness.
The relationship competence videos are introductory but insightful and informative concerning your past relationship failures, what you hope to accomplish in your romantic relationship building, and why you feel that relationships are important to you.
Relationship Exit & Post-Exit Planning
Exiting and closing out previous romantic relationships is necessary and not optional. Self-reflection is important to deciding whether to engage in another romantic relationship. Keeping romantic relationships at arm's length while you "try a new relationship" is unproductive and may be life-threatening.
Courage is needed to end relationships that are no longer working and/or functioning in the way you expect them to. Relationship failure has much to do with our own refusals to set romantic relationship goals. Exit planning should be a primary goal before entering another relationship.
The audio discussions for exit and post-exit planning are useful for helping you self-assess and self-reflection.
Online Learning Content
The Relationship Readiness Series, Competency Assessment, Online Learning Content through audio discussions helps you to gauge where you are, where you are going, and what you ultimately believe before you enter a romantic relationship, even if you believe you know how romantic relationships function or how they should function.
All online learning content are reflected in the audio discussions.
Companion & Products
The Pre-Relationship Competency Assessment, the Relationship Competency Assessment, and all online learning content are products of The Favors Life Recovery Coaching Curriculum and a companion to the Relationship Readiness Assessment & Reflection Journal. The journal will be available Spring 2021.
Section is in development. Last rev. 1/26/2021, 1/27/2021
This video helps you to conduct a self-assessment before consideration of relationship-making. The main themes are self-reflection, exit planning, and adopting no contact strategies.
This video helps you understand the game of love while considering long-term relationship-making and relationship-building. The main themes are self-reflection, exit planning, and adopting no contact strategies.
This discussion offers insight into how you give away your stuff and strategies for preventing such decisions.
This discussion offers insight into how you return to relationships that are no longer working and are, in fact, dysfunction, trying to make them work, or functional again.
This discussion offers insight into the idea that transition out of a toxic romantic relationship may take time even more than a few months. Time allows you to self-assess.
This discussion offers insight into the idea that your romantic partner is not a child and that you cannot teach him a lesson by doing the same thing he does. It will only work out worse for you.
This discussion offers insight into why steering away from further romantic distractions is important to gaining better understanding into self-assessment.
This discussion provides insight into why it is important to go no contact to preserve your position, or argument, to let the relationship conclude.
This discussion offers insight into the length of time you should consider when setting no contact strategies.
This discussion offers insight into the idea that we do not let cheaters fail because we are afraid of what they might do if they failed. But letting them fail is the first step for them to begin addressing their own decision-making.
This discussion offers insight into how to establish your no contact strategies. Establishing a first line of defense and maintaining it will help you to navigate the post-romantic relationship processes.
This discussion provides insight into the different perspectives each partner has towards no contact. One partner may be offended at the new boundary, while another partner might feel offended at having to set the new boundary. Adopting a no contact strategy is important to exiting a toxic relationship.
This discussion provides insight into the importance of adopting the no contact strategy of house arrest to ensure you are effective in exiting the toxic relationship.
This discussion provides insight into the idea that the ex-partner will knock at your door and offers strategies for how to handle that knock at the door.
This video discussion helps you to re-frame your argument for romantic relationship-building.
This video discussion helps you to choose the romantic partner who best represents your personality, hopes and dreams, and life goals.
This video discussion helps you to close out previous relationships before engaging in a new romantic relationship.
This video discussion helps you to develop better coping strategies when navigating romantic relationships, both when you are enduring challenges and when you decide to break up.
This video discussion introduces you to the sincere apologizer and the idea that he (or she) does not desire change.
This video helps you understand how people act out what they believe a romantic relationship should be when they have decided to exit it.
This video helps you recognize when people are using negative coping mechanisms, encouraging you to exit the relationship before danger.
This video helps you recognize when someone is using the strategy of pullback to push you away in the romantic relationship.
This video helps you understand when someone is activating a relationship switch by discussing their ex-partner in a current relationship.
This video helps you to assess when your romantic partner has emotionally evicted you from the relationship.
This video encourages you to assess what you learned from the previous romantic relationship.
This video helps you assess your hastiness for relationship-making in contrast to relationship-building.
This video helps you assess your procrastination in relationship-making and how it hinders relationship-building. Video in production 2/6/2021